Think first of others.

Anyone who knows me knows about my less than holy driving record. I totalled my first car at 16, my second at 17, and have damaged the third (and current) car within an inch of its life. It's a brave little Rav4, and it has kept me safe in many a dangerous situation.

This morning, angels surrounded me as I swerved to avoid a broadside collision in the middle of an intersection, and yes, it was my fault.

Seconds earlier, I was gazing stupidly at a man in a pink shirt. He was carrying groceries in his right hand and warning off traffic indignantly with his left. You guessed it. He was crossing the six-lane highway right in front of me. Why he felt the need to cross the middle of the highway I don't know, but I do know that there was a crosswalk not half a block down at the light. My shock at this man's lack of good decision-making skills distracted me just long enough that I apparently missed the light ahead turning from green to yellow, from yellow to red.

Just as my mind cleared the image of the pink-shirted man, my range of sight was filled entirely with a white truck, the kind used by cable installation or commercial painting companies. Time stopped and I sped up and swerved a half-circle the size of an entire lane around the front of the truck, completely and miraculously missing the entire front end.

What had made me speed up instead of brake? Instinct? Divine inspiration? Adrenaline? Whatever it was, it saved me from a very serious situation. I'm angry at the man who felt the need to cross a highway unsafely, but I'm sad and apologetic to the man whose truck nearly broadsided me as I flew through that red light. I wouldn't have blamed him one bit if he'd called the police on me for reckless driving.

I've been trying so hard lately to drive carefully, which is perhaps why my anger is (probably unjustly) directed towards the man in the pink shirt. I feel that if he hadn't appeared out of nowhere and distracted me, I would have noticed the light change, and none of this would have happened. However, inside, I do realize that I allowed myself to become distracted, and while the man may have contributed, the choice is mine whether to learn from the experience and grow, or to simply lay the blame on him and move on unwittingly. I choose to grow and only hope my attentiveness while driving can be improved.

Positive Self-Talk

Walking in the rain is my least favorite situation, along with driving towards the sun, coming into contact with wet coffee grounds, and any combination of muffins/staples/balloons. Yet, I've only recently overcome the feeling of silliness in finding good ways to think about these things.

It started to rain. I recalled being too warm in the morning and wondering whether to wear the light coat or the heavy coat. Since it was warm in Bonney Lake (and after wondering if I should bring one at all) I decided on the lighter coat. When I got to Olympia, I discovered what I held myself responsible to have already known; that it was colder and rainier there. Immediately, negativity reared its ugly head in the form of such inner comments as, "You knew you should have worn the heavy coat", "I hate being so cold and wet", and "Good thing you weren't a complete dumbass and managed to bring one at all".

At this point, I remembered someone once telling me that I am my own harshest critic. I pushed back the instinct telling me, "What idiocy that is", and forced myself to come up with some positive spin to put on the cold, nasty weather and the light coat that would soon be drenched through and through. What I came up with went thus, "I remember the last time I was caught in the rain without a coat. It was a miserable walk out to my car to fetch one. It's so nice to have this warm coat as one more layer against this Washington weather that I so despise. I'm so glad I brought it along or I'd be much worse off!"

This subtle, seemingly unimportant change in thinking had immense results. I felt lighter and more prepared to do homework. I felt, in some respects, just plain out better. Positive self-talk is said to keep us consistently happier and healthier. The difference I've experienced after breaking down a barrier (near invisible to me) that kept me in a state of stress must be attributed entirely to positive self-talk. It's something I hope to practice, if I can get past how 'silly' and 'unnecessary' it seems. Realizing the way we speak to ourselves is the first step toward realizing our real talents and mending our real flaws. After all, who knows me better than I do?